Tomorrow is her birthday...

I've been feeling a little anxious the past week or so. Tomorrow is Faith's birthday. She would have been four! I find myself thinking about her a lot lately. What would she look like? Would she be more like me or more like Brett? I wish she could be here to meet her brothers. I miss her everyday. I find myself looking at her pictures a lot more. I'm so glad we had the opportunity to take those pictures. I know at the time, some people disagreed with our decision to take pictures with her. Looking back now, I wouldn't have changed anything. I needed those pictures. At the time I didn't realize how important they would be. Now, I know that I can show Jakob and Brody her pictures and they will know that they have a big sister watching over them at all times. I wonder if she's with my mom and dad. Are they holding her and rocking her? I like to think that they are. I know my mom and dad are probably thrilled to have their grand daughter with them everyday. What kind of games does she like? What does her laugh sound like? What does her smile look like? I wish I could hear her laugh and see her smile. I wish she were here so I could teach her to ride a bike. Watch her dance recitals. Play dress up. All of the things that little girls love. I know tomorrow is going to be so hard. Knowing that she is with her grandma and grandpa makes me feel a little better. I know they are taking good care of her.
I love you Faith Ebita!

Yay!!

After 8 long years, Brett has asked me to marry him!! I am so excited! He bought me the prettiest ring! I feel like I'm floating! My days are now filled with taking care of my boys and wedding planning! It seems so.... unreal! lol

An Update On My Life...

Ok.. Where to begin? Well, I spent 3 days in the hospital with Brody... Apparently he had severe jaundice and a really low red blood cell count. The jaundice is gone... thank God! But, the red blood cell count keeps dropping. He's going ti have to go back for more blood work in a few weeks. If the levels continue to drop, he will have to have a blood transfusion. I pray to God we don't have to take that route.
A.J. (my little brother) has been diagnosed with cancer... the doctors said there really isn't much they can do. The cancer is in his lungs, vocal chords, spinal cord, and thyroid. This scares the crap out of me. He comes here every weekend to stay the night. I just can't imagine NOT having him here. He's such an amazing kid. He's so sweet and caring. I pray to God every night that he will be ok. The doctors said there isn't much they can do. I'm not sure if it's because it's too advanced or because they don't know what to do.... I am so scared for him... He's my buddy \! Jakob adores him! Please pray for him... I love this kid like he's my own...

My Baby Brother

My family has been through so much since 2004. My mom was hit by a car and killed, my dad passed unexpectedly from congestive heart failure, my daughter died 6 hours after birth.... the list goes on. Well, we found out earlier this week that my 13 year old brother needed his thyroid removed. The doctors told my step dad that the thyroid could be cancerous.

Well, he went in for surgery to have it removed yesterday at 1:00pm. We were told the surgery would be about 5 hours. Well, after 8:00 came around, no one knew what was going on and everyone was getting worried. Finally, at about 9ish, we got the call...

My 13 year old baby brother had tumors all over his thyroid. They had also found a bunch in his lungs. We still didn't know everything but we knew most of it...

Well, finally at about 10 they took him out of surgery and put him in a room. We were then told the news...

My brother has cancer at 13. He has it in his thyroid, lungs, spinal cord, vocal cords, and his chest cavity is caked with it. We haven't been able to talk with the oncologist yet. But from what they have told us, there isn't much they can do. The cancer is that bad.

The doctors said it looks like this cancer has been growing for at least 8 or 9 years.

I am so mad... so sad.... I just can't believe this shit keeps happening to my family. Haven't we already been through enough? I can't go see my brother because he's 2 hours away in a hospital and I can't travel that far. I feel so helpless right now. I just don't know what to do...

Brody Paul

Next Tuesday at 11:00am I will be heading into surgery. I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has gone! I am going to be having a baby in 7 DAYS!! That is a week!! I am so excited yet so scared! Today I hit 37 weeks which is full term so this little guy could come any day!

We were laying in bed last night talking about everything! How fast this is going.... How fast Jakob is growing. It's crazy! I wonder who he's going to look like. Jakob looks like both of us... poor kid! lol

It truly does go by so fast after they are born. I look at Jakob everyday and can't believe how fast he's growing! He's going to be a big brother soon! My little baby is going to be a big brother! Just thinking about makes me want to cry! I can remember the day he was born like it was yesterday... yet here he is running, talking, and learning so much everyday...

So, here is to my last 7 days of being able to cherish Jakob and have him as my only child. Because come next Tuesday, I'm going to be a mom of 2!!!

Ultrasound...

My doctor left and I'm now seeing a whole new doctor for the last month of this pregnancy. This doctor sucks! We went in to meet her two weeks ago and she seemed great. The following Wednesday I had another appointment with her. At this appointment, she decides to tell me that she wants to do my c-section at 35 weeks. I was in shock! That is way too early! I have had both of my kids rushed to the NICU after birth and I really don't want to do that again. So I told her I would let her know the following day. Well, Thursday morning I had an u/s just to check on the baby. I requested it because I am really paranoid with my pregnancies now.
So, we have the ultrasound and they said everything looked great. Baby is growing fine, everything is great. Well, as I'm walking out, the doc says, "See you back in a few weeks to have a baby." I decided right then and there that they were not going to push me into an early birth. So, I told her that we would not be doing the c-section on July 8th. They then proceed to tell us that this baby is too small and not growing properly. Hmmm.... didn't they just say he was fine?!?
So, now I go back this weds. for another appointment with my new doc. I'm confused! Why would they say he was fine then in the same minute tell me he's too small? I guess we'll find out weds. But I can tell you right now, I will NOT be having my baby early for their convenience!

We're having a baby July 21, 2009

Ok... Brett and I both knew that we wanted more kids. We didn't know when but if it happened, it happened. Well, it happened...
It was about a month before Christmas and I was at Target picking up a few things for Jakob's stocking. I passed the pregnancy test aisle... then went back. I didn't think I was pregnant but figured I'd make sure. I finished my shopping and went home. I was showing Brett all of the stuff I bought when I came across the test. I'd completely forgotten about it! I shoved it in my back pocket and headed off to the bathroom. I wasn't nervous or anything because I was pretty sure I was not pregnant. Did my thing with the little strip and waited about 3 seconds... suddenly, there appears TWO lines!! WHAT?!?
So I calmly walk out of the bathroom and walk straight to Brett... He has no idea how much his life is about to change.
I hand him the test and wait for a reaction. After about 10 seconds he looks at me and says, "yeah right." Not the reaction I expected... Then he looks at me again and says, "Seriously?" "Yup... we're having another baby!"
It was a pretty big shock to both of us but we were so excited!! Brett looked a little scared at first but this is a big deal! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared too! I mean we have a son who isn't even 2 yet and another on the way!
So, we go to the doctor and have an ultrasound, I was only 6 weeks when I found out. This was going to be a long 40 weeks! At 20 weeks we went to see the specialist to make sure there weren't any problems and found out we were having another BOY!
I look at Jakob everyday and think to myself, "My baby is going to be a big brother." It makes me kind of sad that Jakob will not be the "baby" for much longer but I know he's going to be a great big brother.