Monday, June 8, 2009

My Dad

Let me start this off by saying this... My dad was truly my best friend. I could go to him for advice for friendship for whatever I needed. I can remember growing up, dad taking me fishing, camping, bike riding, everything a dad should do and more. When the leaves would change in the fall, we'd go for rides up north just to see the amazing colors of the leaves. He always loved nature and everything outdoors. When I was growing up, there were always eagle and bear statues around our house. He loved stuff like that. He was an all around amazing dad. I feel so blessed to have been raised by such a caring man.
February 16th 2006... I went to Andy's in the morning and called my grandma to see how they were doing. We chatted for a while, then she mentioned to me that my dad didn't go to work that day because he wasn't feeling well. He'd been sick for about 2 weeks before this. I hung up with her and called dad. He sounded pretty bad but he still wanted to get out and go pay his bills. So we decided that he would pick me up at Andy's house and I'd drive him to the bank and wherever he needed to go. At about 3:30 bills were paid and dad was tired so hw dropped me off at Andy's. I told him I loved him and that I would call him later. As he was pulling out of the driveway, he stopped and beeped the horn. I figured he forgot something so I headed out the front door. He said he just wanted to tell me he loved me again... something I will never forget.
Later that night, I called him to see how he was doing. No answer. Which was strange. Dad always answered for me. I figured he must've been really tired so I decided to wait until the next morning to call him back. The next day I called him again first thing in the morning... no answer again. All day I keep calling him and he doesn't answer. I finally give in and call my brother. I asked Jason to just go check on dad. Dad had been a diabetic since he was 2. Sometimes he would get into insulin reactions and needed sugar to get out of them. I assumed that was the case.
An hour later I called Jason's cell but he didn't answer. I figured he must be at dad's so I called there... after 2 rings, Jason picks up and I instantly know something is wrong. He just lost it and kept saying, "Dad's dead!!" I'll never forget the instant sadness and pain I felt. I had just lost my bestfriend. He was gone. There was an emptiness inside of me tht would never be filled. I had lost my dad forever. I still to this day feel so much regret. What if I would've just gone over there first thing Saturday morning? Could I have helped him? Why didn't I make him go to the doctor? All of these questions that will never be answered.
It's been over 3 years since my dad has been gone and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I look at my 2 year old son and feel so much pain. He could've had the best grandpa in the world! He'll never know what an amazing man he was. Every day I wake up, I miss him more. I miss his laugh, his Sunday morning omlettes, the way he would listen to me but never judge me. I miss it all. I miss my dad... Now here I am with a 2 year old and another little boy coming in 2 months and I feel the horrible pain all over again. I know my dad is looking down on me and my family. But I wish he was here with us. I want my kids to experience the amazing man I knew as dad. Sometimes I feel like it's so unfair. I look at Jakob and see a little bit of dad in his eyes.
I'll never get over the pain and I'll never forget the memories... Love you Dad!!

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