Saturday, August 15, 2009
Ok.. Where to begin? Well, I spent 3 days in the hospital with Brody... Apparently he had severe jaundice and a really low red blood cell count. The jaundice is gone... thank God! But, the red blood cell count keeps dropping. He's going ti have to go back for more blood work in a few weeks. If the levels continue to drop, he will have to have a blood transfusion. I pray to God we don't have to take that route.
A.J. (my little brother) has been diagnosed with cancer... the doctors said there really isn't much they can do. The cancer is in his lungs, vocal chords, spinal cord, and thyroid. This scares the crap out of me. He comes here every weekend to stay the night. I just can't imagine NOT having him here. He's such an amazing kid. He's so sweet and caring. I pray to God every night that he will be ok. The doctors said there isn't much they can do. I'm not sure if it's because it's too advanced or because they don't know what to do.... I am so scared for him... He's my buddy \! Jakob adores him! Please pray for him... I love this kid like he's my own...
Friday, July 17, 2009
My family has been through so much since 2004. My mom was hit by a car and killed, my dad passed unexpectedly from congestive heart failure, my daughter died 6 hours after birth.... the list goes on. Well, we found out earlier this week that my 13 year old brother needed his thyroid removed. The doctors told my step dad that the thyroid could be cancerous.
Well, he went in for surgery to have it removed yesterday at 1:00pm. We were told the surgery would be about 5 hours. Well, after 8:00 came around, no one knew what was going on and everyone was getting worried. Finally, at about 9ish, we got the call...
My 13 year old baby brother had tumors all over his thyroid. They had also found a bunch in his lungs. We still didn't know everything but we knew most of it...
Well, finally at about 10 they took him out of surgery and put him in a room. We were then told the news...
My brother has cancer at 13. He has it in his thyroid, lungs, spinal cord, vocal cords, and his chest cavity is caked with it. We haven't been able to talk with the oncologist yet. But from what they have told us, there isn't much they can do. The cancer is that bad.
The doctors said it looks like this cancer has been growing for at least 8 or 9 years.
I am so mad... so sad.... I just can't believe this shit keeps happening to my family. Haven't we already been through enough? I can't go see my brother because he's 2 hours away in a hospital and I can't travel that far. I feel so helpless right now. I just don't know what to do...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Next Tuesday at 11:00am I will be heading into surgery. I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has gone! I am going to be having a baby in 7 DAYS!! That is a week!! I am so excited yet so scared! Today I hit 37 weeks which is full term so this little guy could come any day!
We were laying in bed last night talking about everything! How fast this is going.... How fast Jakob is growing. It's crazy! I wonder who he's going to look like. Jakob looks like both of us... poor kid! lol
It truly does go by so fast after they are born. I look at Jakob everyday and can't believe how fast he's growing! He's going to be a big brother soon! My little baby is going to be a big brother! Just thinking about makes me want to cry! I can remember the day he was born like it was yesterday... yet here he is running, talking, and learning so much everyday...
So, here is to my last 7 days of being able to cherish Jakob and have him as my only child. Because come next Tuesday, I'm going to be a mom of 2!!!
Monday, June 22, 2009
So, we have the ultrasound and they said everything looked great. Baby is growing fine, everything is great. Well, as I'm walking out, the doc says, "See you back in a few weeks to have a baby." I decided right then and there that they were not going to push me into an early birth. So, I told her that we would not be doing the c-section on July 8th. They then proceed to tell us that this baby is too small and not growing properly. Hmmm.... didn't they just say he was fine?!?
So, now I go back this weds. for another appointment with my new doc. I'm confused! Why would they say he was fine then in the same minute tell me he's too small? I guess we'll find out weds. But I can tell you right now, I will NOT be having my baby early for their convenience!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Ok... Brett and I both knew that we wanted more kids. We didn't know when but if it happened, it happened. Well, it happened...
It was about a month before Christmas and I was at Target picking up a few things for Jakob's stocking. I passed the pregnancy test aisle... then went back. I didn't think I was pregnant but figured I'd make sure. I finished my shopping and went home. I was showing Brett all of the stuff I bought when I came across the test. I'd completely forgotten about it! I shoved it in my back pocket and headed off to the bathroom. I wasn't nervous or anything because I was pretty sure I was not pregnant. Did my thing with the little strip and waited about 3 seconds... suddenly, there appears TWO lines!! WHAT?!?
So I calmly walk out of the bathroom and walk straight to Brett... He has no idea how much his life is about to change.
I hand him the test and wait for a reaction. After about 10 seconds he looks at me and says, "yeah right." Not the reaction I expected... Then he looks at me again and says, "Seriously?" "Yup... we're having another baby!"
It was a pretty big shock to both of us but we were so excited!! Brett looked a little scared at first but this is a big deal! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared too! I mean we have a son who isn't even 2 yet and another on the way!
So, we go to the doctor and have an ultrasound, I was only 6 weeks when I found out. This was going to be a long 40 weeks! At 20 weeks we went to see the specialist to make sure there weren't any problems and found out we were having another BOY!
I look at Jakob everyday and think to myself, "My baby is going to be a big brother." It makes me kind of sad that Jakob will not be the "baby" for much longer but I know he's going to be a great big brother.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Compared to my first pregnancy, the second one was easy as pie. All of the appointments were normal, everything was going great! We decided when I was 28 weeks that we were moving. We had found a nice 2 bedroom house that was way bigger than the one we were in. When I was 32 weeks, we finally got the keys and were able to move in. We started with the smaller stuff... dishes, t.v., clothes, stuff like that. Finally at about midnight we decide we are done for the night. We get home and we're both exhausted and pass out within minutes. I woke up at about 1:30am with wet pants. hmmm... There is no way I just peed my pants! lol So I change and go back to bed. At about 2:00 I wake up again. Same thing... Well this time I go to the bathroom and guess what... it happens while I'm getting new undies and pants on. Ok... now I'm freaking out. I go to the bedroom and tell Brett to get up we need to go to the hospital. I run around throwing stuff in a bag since I never got the chance to pack one. We get in the car and drive to Saginaw. I am leaking the whole time. They get us in and test the fluid and sure enough, my water bag has ruptured. It didn't break completely so they put me in a room and start me on antibiotics. The doctor comes in and tells me that they are going to try to push me to 33 weeks. That's a whole week away! So I'm stuck for a week. They started me on steroid shots to help Jakob's lungs develop so when he does come he'll have a better chance of breathing on his own. Finally I hit 33 weeks! They start me on Pitocin and wait for active labor to start. After 2 days of Pitocin, I am not progressing at all. My doctor comes in and asks me if we want to do a c-section.
I've been in the hospital for a week... ummmm yeah. CUT ME!! lol So within a matter of minutes I am on the surgery table and they are getting me ready. Brett is white as a ghost and looks like he's going to puke! I start to get a little worried because this time is taking alot longer than the first c-section. Jakob was stuck! He was lodged in my ribs and they were having a hard time getting him out. Finally after about an hour they got him! It took a few minutes then I heard him cry. Oh talk about relief! As soon as I heard that little cry I felt so much better! I was able to see him for about 2 minutes then he was taken up to the NICU... after 11 days of being in the NICU Jakob was able to come home with us. He's now a very happy and healthy 2 year old little boy!!
July/August of 2006... We had just been through a few really hard years. 3 months prior we had lost our daughter. I needed to get away for a little while and so did Brett. We decided we were going to Cedar Point! I called my sister Jenny to see if she wanted to go to. Of course she said yes. lol After a really long drive we were at Cedar Point... We picked our campsite. It was... interesting to say the least. There were ducks everywhere! With the ducks came a layer of duck poop all over this campsite. It was pretty nasty but we decided to stick it out because there were no other campsites available anywhere. We unpack and decide to head over to Cedar Point. After many hours in 106 degree weather we were pretty exhausted. I started to feel sick and figured I was getting heat poisoning. We get back to our campsite and I am seriously sick and miserable! Jenny is hot and crabby and Brett is ready to kill us both... About 11:00pm after many hours of us whining, Brett throws everything in the car and says we're going home. I mean literally threw everything in the car! No packing. No putting the tent away nice and pretty. Nothing. Just threw it all in. Looking back it's funny. At the time, not so much. lol We head home... 2 hours later, I'm sick. Brett has to pull over and I'm getting sick all over the highway. Heat poisoning... After many many hours and too much puking we get home!!
Later that week, I decide I'm going to take a pregnancy test... sure enough I was pregnant! So Jakob has already ridden quite a few roller coasters! lol
Monday, June 8, 2009
I was 20 weeks and we were on our way to the doctors. Today was the day we were going to find out what we were having!! I remember on the way there, Brett and I were placing bets on what we were having. I knew it was a girl and Brett was convinced we were having a boy.
So we get to the doctor and sit in the waiting room. We were there about 10 minutes when the nurse called my name. It was time!! I get weighed and they ask all of the normal questions. Everything is going great! They take us into the ultrasound room. I was giddy and giggly! I mean come on we haven't seen the baby since I was 10 weeks! They change so much in a few weeks!
I lay down and they start. After showing us the head they move on... very quietly. I was so excited I didn't notice how silent the room was. After about 5 minutes I started to feel really sick and dizzy. The midwife offered to go get me some juice. As soon as she walked out, Brett looked at me and said, "Babe, something is wrong." I laughed at him and told him he was being paranoid. The midwife came back a few minutes later handed me the juice and walked right back out. I was a little confused. A few minutes later she came back with about 3 more people. They were all looking at the baby and whispering about femur measurements. I had no clue what this meant.They finally told me something wasn't right. I was rushed up to see a specialist. After another Ultrasound, it was confirmed. Our beautiful baby had a severe case of Thanataphoric Dysplasia. It meant she was not growing properly. Her legs and arms were many weeks behind where they should've been. Her chest was also measuring very small... which meant her lungs were not growing. The specialist told us that she would not survive outside of me for more than a few minutes and she would be extremely deformed. We were given our options... abort the baby or carry the baby. I looked at Brett and knew immediately that we were not giving up on our baby. After many many tests and specialists, we knew that there was no way our baby would make it. But we both still decided to leave it in God's hands. We found out at about 24 weeks that we were having a girl. We decided that we would name her Faith Ebita. Part of me died that day. I was getting the little girl I had always dreamed of having but I could not keep her.
Fast forward to April 27th 2006... I started to have contractions and they were coming fast. i told Brett at about 1:30am that we needed to get to the hospital. I had decided that we were having a c-section very early on since she would not make it through labor. We were giving her the best chance we could. I had Faith on April 27th at 3:10am. She was beautiful! She had the most beautiful head of black hair! After 6 and a half hours of struggling to live, Faith passed. I'll never forget holding my daughter and looking in her eyes as she passed. I'll miss her and love her for the rest of my life...
Let me start this off by saying this... My dad was truly my best friend. I could go to him for advice for friendship for whatever I needed. I can remember growing up, dad taking me fishing, camping, bike riding, everything a dad should do and more. When the leaves would change in the fall, we'd go for rides up north just to see the amazing colors of the leaves. He always loved nature and everything outdoors. When I was growing up, there were always eagle and bear statues around our house. He loved stuff like that. He was an all around amazing dad. I feel so blessed to have been raised by such a caring man.
February 16th 2006... I went to Andy's in the morning and called my grandma to see how they were doing. We chatted for a while, then she mentioned to me that my dad didn't go to work that day because he wasn't feeling well. He'd been sick for about 2 weeks before this. I hung up with her and called dad. He sounded pretty bad but he still wanted to get out and go pay his bills. So we decided that he would pick me up at Andy's house and I'd drive him to the bank and wherever he needed to go. At about 3:30 bills were paid and dad was tired so hw dropped me off at Andy's. I told him I loved him and that I would call him later. As he was pulling out of the driveway, he stopped and beeped the horn. I figured he forgot something so I headed out the front door. He said he just wanted to tell me he loved me again... something I will never forget.
Later that night, I called him to see how he was doing. No answer. Which was strange. Dad always answered for me. I figured he must've been really tired so I decided to wait until the next morning to call him back. The next day I called him again first thing in the morning... no answer again. All day I keep calling him and he doesn't answer. I finally give in and call my brother. I asked Jason to just go check on dad. Dad had been a diabetic since he was 2. Sometimes he would get into insulin reactions and needed sugar to get out of them. I assumed that was the case.
An hour later I called Jason's cell but he didn't answer. I figured he must be at dad's so I called there... after 2 rings, Jason picks up and I instantly know something is wrong. He just lost it and kept saying, "Dad's dead!!" I'll never forget the instant sadness and pain I felt. I had just lost my bestfriend. He was gone. There was an emptiness inside of me tht would never be filled. I had lost my dad forever. I still to this day feel so much regret. What if I would've just gone over there first thing Saturday morning? Could I have helped him? Why didn't I make him go to the doctor? All of these questions that will never be answered.
It's been over 3 years since my dad has been gone and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I look at my 2 year old son and feel so much pain. He could've had the best grandpa in the world! He'll never know what an amazing man he was. Every day I wake up, I miss him more. I miss his laugh, his Sunday morning omlettes, the way he would listen to me but never judge me. I miss it all. I miss my dad... Now here I am with a 2 year old and another little boy coming in 2 months and I feel the horrible pain all over again. I know my dad is looking down on me and my family. But I wish he was here with us. I want my kids to experience the amazing man I knew as dad. Sometimes I feel like it's so unfair. I look at Jakob and see a little bit of dad in his eyes.
I'll never get over the pain and I'll never forget the memories... Love you Dad!!
Brett and I have been together since August of 2001. We met through a mutual friend and have been inseparable since. He is my rock. He has stuck by me through so much! He was there for my December 28th 2004 when my mom was hit by a car and killed. It ripped me apart.
I remember like it was yesterday...
I talked to my mom on the phone at about 9:00pm. She was with kids and Andy at a restaurant having dinner. They had just gotten home from Chicago. I was talking to her about the hamsters I got Jenny and A.J. for Christmas. She said they were multiplying like crazy! lol I told her I loved her and we hung up. I had no idea that would be the last time I ever talked to my mom. My phone was ringing all night but I was in bed and didn't answer. I can remember hearing it riniging but I was so tired. At about 2:00am I heard someone at my front door. I still like an idiot, didn't answer. Finally at about 5:00 am I heard my front door open and my dad yell for me. I shot out of bed. It's never good when dad shows up at 5am. I ran in the living room thinking something had happened to my Grandpa. But when I saw my dad he just looked me in my eyes and said the words I never dreamed I'd hear. "Nichole, your mom is gone." I thought she left. It took about 30 seconds for me to realize what he meant. In my whole life, I'd never seen my dad cry like that. I just started screaming "NO NO NO!!" while my dad held me. My dad, Brett, and I got in my dads car and he drove us to my moms house. There were so many people there. Andy was just walking around in a daze. It was horrible. Brett was so great with helping me that night. I wouldn't have been able to manage without him by my side. I can remember Brett and my dad standing outside with me. Just being with me during one of the worst days of my life.
I felt lost, scared, angry, just about every emotion you can imagine. Everyone kept telling me that it would get better but it never did. Even now, almost 5 years later, the pain is just as bad. Brett was there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. He felt the pain right along with me. My mom loved Brett and he loved her. I can remember laying in bed screaming because I felt so helpless. Brett held me and just let me know he was there for me. I can never thank him enough.